


Give it up for...... The Exandrian Slayers!!

by 3starsaboveamountain



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roller Derby, Not a full story, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:40:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24299746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3starsaboveamountain/pseuds/3starsaboveamountain
Summary: Roller Derby AU with the Mighty Nien
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Give it up for...... The Exandrian Slayers!!

**Author's Note:**

> Glossary-  
> Blammer- A skater who can both block and jam well
> 
> Blocker–a skater whose job is to stop or block the other team’s jammer from passing while also enabling her own team’s jammer to score.
> 
> Derby Widow- a gender-neutral term name for any player's significant other who isn't involved in derby themselves
> 
> Hip Whip–a form of assist in which a player (usually the jammer) grabs her teammate’s hips to swing herself forward.
> 
> Jam–a two-minute period during which the action happens. The jam may last less than two minutes if the lead jammer decides to call off the jam. 
> 
> Jammer–the skater on the track who can score points. The jammer is identifiable by the star on her helmet
> 
> Juke- to move quickly from one direction to the other 
> 
> NSO–a nonskating official
> 
> Pack–the mass of blockers from both teams skating around the track together. Each jammer’s goal is to get through or around the pack.
> 
> Panty–a stretchy helmet cover that is used to designate the jammer (with a star) or a pivot (with a stripe).
> 
> Pivot (1)–the blocker who stays to the front of the pack and regulates pack speed. The pivot also has the unique ability to, via a panty-swap, exchange places with the jammer
> 
> Thank you to the Silicon Valley Roller Girls for their excellent glossary. I would not have been able to up it better myself. 
> 
> Side note: NSO don't always have derby/skate names but it's like half the fun of derby so they got names to.

League name- The Exandrian Slayers  
Team Name- The Mighty Nein  
Head Coach- Darion 

Beau- Team Captain  
Derby name- Beau-ne Breaker  
Favorite position- Inside line blocker  
Strengths- Strategies, Agility 

Captaining style- A lot of swearing. Constantly egging the coach until they force everyone into group conditioning drills. Strong sense of justice. Will absolutely yell at line refs mid-jam when the opposing team is using illegal moves. Uses every time-out possible to question refs on calls concerning her team. Will push you hard and give you an ear full if you’re being an asshole on the track but over time has learned when to ease up and give positive recognition to teammates.

Started the league on the jrs. league and got ejected for insubordination so many times that they were almost kicked out of the league. Darion recognized an aptitude for leadership and a gift for strategy and gave Beau a more constructive outlet once they made it to the adults' team.

Play Style- very flexible on the track, great at covering lanes, knows what the jammer is gonna do before they do. Not physically the strongest on the team by a long shot but is excellent at using larger players' weight and momentum to her advantage. Whether that is throwing a teammate into the jammer or being able to get under the jammer herself and left them off their feet. Uses her amazing track awareness to play smarter not harder. Knows exactly how to stretch the pack out and force the other team into penalties. 

Jester- Co-Captain  
Derby name- Lil’ SnapFIRE (Sapphire)  
Favorite position - Brace and Pivot  
Strengths- Physical strength and emotional intelligence 

Captaining style- Jester shines at team spirit. Always happy to see you and has a smile for everyone (even the other teams but only at the end of the game). Where Beau can struggle with the emotional side of the game and the inevitable tears, Jester knows how best to comfort, distract, or otherwise take care of her fellow teammates. She acts as one of the league medical personnel in case of injury but as often as not, has caused the injury herself with her exuberance.

Beau and Yasha have had to learn to keep an eye on Jester and make sure Jester isn’t pushing herself too hard to be cheerful and upbeat. During games Yasha makes sure Jester sits out when she's tired or lets her know it’s okay to cry when she's hurt. Postgames Beau can be seen buying Jester a drink and listening to her vent out her frustrations or listen to her recount excellent plays. 

Play Style- Her chatty nature and physical strength lends well to the brace position. She’s able to inform her teammates where the jammer is located on the track at all times, she can support her blockers when they need the strength and can hold the jammer back herself until help arrives. As a Pivot jester is very cognisant of her jammer and works hard to be within arms reach of the panty when she sees her jammer starting to fade. As a jammer, Jester isn’t one for fancy footwork or dancing around the track. In her mind, she is a bowling ball and the opposing teams are just so many pins to be knocked down. She uses her enviable strength to bust that pack wide open. All of her gear is custom made pink and her helmet is covered in homemade stickers. 

Nott  
Derby name- Captain Button-Beard, Button for short (She let Luc pick her name)  
Favorite position- Jammer  
Strengths- Agility and deception

Play Style- Given her stocky build many opposing blockers hunker down and get ready for the “big hit” but this girl can juke! Nott’s small stature and lightness on her feet make her near impossible to catch on the track. She excels at breaking up the pack so she can fly right between opposing blockers. Nott enjoys nothing more than to fake out the opposing brace, feigning to the inside only to streak towards the outside in the last minute and send everyone scrambling while she's already on the other side of the track. Often hip whips off Beau, has absolutely pulled her down to the floor doing so with no regrets. 

When Nott first started scrimmaging she was so scared of getting squished by people falling on her she started to wear a creepy looking half-mask over her mouth so no one would see it was her screaming. It didn’t work, everyone knew it was her but it became a calling card. Known to start toe stop dancing with Jester during half time. Postgame, win or lose, Nott parties HARD, and owns the karaoke machine. 

Yeza is a wonderful derby widow. He comes to all the games and tries not to look terrified when Nott gets sent flying. Luc LOVES IT. Nott already bought Luc his own pair of stakes and is teaching him how to skate at home. One more year and Luc will be old enough to join the juniors league. Yeza is trying to remain calm. 

Yasha  
Derby Name- The Orphan Maker  
Favorite Position- Blammer extraordinaire.  
Strengths- Passion and Experience 

This isn’t Yasha’s first league. After a nasty fall out between Yasha and her last coach she left her first league and found a new home within the Mighty Nein. Years of experience have left Yasha a fantastic all-around player. An incredibly stable blocker but where she shines in Jamming. On the sidelines, she’s quiet and calm, even reserved during the first few jams but as other players grow tired Yasha only grows more intense. A light shines in her eyes as she throws herself into a jam after jam with reckless abandon, absolutely exploding any wall in her path. It’s always a good laugh when an opposing player attempts to body up to Yasha on the pivotline as a means to intimate her. All it takes is one burning look from Yasha to understand she is not going to give anyone an inch. Her helmet is covered in custom flower stickers made by her wife Zuala. 

Caleb  
NSO position- Penalty Box manager  
Derby name- The Scorture-er 

After being brought to orientation with Nott for moral support, Caleb realized that skating wasn’t for him. However, due to his excellent time keeping skills, and desire to support his best friend he has become a fantastic penalty box manager. What is normally at least a two-man job Caleb has been able to turn a one man show. Even when the box is full and he’s manning four timers at once he’ll have some dry witty comment to make Beau snort, a dirty joke to make Jester laugh and words of encouragement for Nott. When Yezza has a late night at the pharmacy Caleb can be found entertaining Luc while Nott is on the track. 

Caduceus  
NSO position- League Medic  
Derby Name- Brew-tiful Sereni-tea

Caduceus was brought in by resident league mom Melora (derby name: Wildmother). While a little slow to pick up on the more complicated parts of the game Caduceus has proven himself to be an incredible medic during emergencies. His calm relaxing presence helps players stay calm when scared or in pain.  
His first scrimmage night was more overwhelming than he anticipated. It was loud and fast and, while he was more than qualified to handle an emergency, he hadn’t had a lot of real-life practice and was nervous about one of these women breaking an ankle. Luckily Melora, or Wildmother at practice he supposes, introduced him to a couple of people before she had to gear up. Caleb seemed a little shy and was more preoccupied with Luc and setting up the penalty box but Fjord came across as welcoming and open. Thankfully they were seated near each other that evening. As Caduceus was going over the supplies in his medkit he saw Wildmother and her wife Erathis share a significant look he didn’t quite understand as they passed by. Fjord turned out to be well equipped at keeping Caduceus up to speed as the game started and he ended up enjoying himself so much he agreed to be the league medic. 

Fjord  
NSO Position- League commentator  
Derby name- Tusk Tooth (lovingly given by a drunk Jester and begrudgingly accepted)

Fjord and Beau were members of the same gym. After a couple of sessions trying to figure out all the equipment, Fjord finally caved and asked the then stranger Beau, if she could give him a few tips. While at first very suspicious they just sort of fell into being work out buddies. Over time they realized they got along pretty well and even went out for a beer a couple of times. 

One evening, while Fjord was trying to catch his breath, Beau invited him to an upcoming bout. She half expected him to bail but he had heard enough about derby from her that he was curious. Beau was able to save him a seat near the penalty box for his first game. Fjord was full of questions after the game ended and bought round after round for Beau, Jester and Yasha so he could ask them 1000 questions and from then on Fjord was hooked. 

Fjord started coming to scrimmage nights. He learned how to keep score for the Jam refs and helped introduce this new medic Wildmother brought in. Caduceus seemed friendly enough but sometimes struggled with the pace of the game. Fjord started running commentary for Caduceus so he could keep up. He also loved trying to make Caduceus laugh but that's neither here nor there. After a while, it became obvious that Fjord had a knack for commentary and they started putting a microphone in front of him.

**Author's Note:**

> Listen y'all,  
> two things I miss most in this world are roller derby and Critical Role. I will be patient until they return BUT I will also smash my two favorite things together and post it on the internet for fun because I lost my job and time has no meaning.


End file.
